Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
