I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
