If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
