i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
