I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
