I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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