Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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