I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
