After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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