Pappa wants mamma naked
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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