She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
