how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
