On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
