Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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