Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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