I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We are all done wearing pants today
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
