Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
