I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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