I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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