I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
