I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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