it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
