Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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