if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
