My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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