I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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