Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
