that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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