But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
