I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
