the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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