Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
