she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
