I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
