I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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