no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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