I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
