So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just pee around me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
