the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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