I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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