i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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