I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
