Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
