I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I met the friendliest cop last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize