one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
