so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it glows. i had to have it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
