Got a toothbrush?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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