Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
