How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
