I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
