i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
