Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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