i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
