Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
