i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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