New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
