he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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