Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
