JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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