there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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