Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
