i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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