There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
