I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
