Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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