What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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