So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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