Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
