Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
