How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
