At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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