My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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