I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My vagina just clenched in fear
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
