I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
