i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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