remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
