does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
