just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Drunk is not a location!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize