yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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