I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
