i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
