He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
